Chapter 33

Set down for yourself, right now, a character and a pattern to keep – both when you are alone and when you are with others.

Let silence be the rule, or say only what is necessary, and in few words. On the rare occasion when the moment calls for you to speak, then speak – but not about just anything: not about gladiators, not about horse races, not about athletes, not about food and drink – the standard topics everywhere – and above all not about people, whether blaming them or praising them or comparing them.

If you can, steer the conversation of your companions toward what is fitting. If you find yourself stranded among strangers, be silent.

Do not laugh much, or at many things, or without restraint.

Refuse to swear oaths – entirely if possible; otherwise, as far as circumstances allow. Decline dinner parties with outsiders and laymen.

But if the occasion arises, keep your attention stretched tight so that you never slip into the layman’s ways. Understand this: if your companion is dirty, whoever rubs up against him is bound to get dirty too, however clean he happens to be.

Take what concerns the body only as far as bare need: food, drink, clothing, housing, household slaves. Cut out everything that serves reputation or luxury. Regarding sex, stay pure before marriage as far as you can;

If you do partake, take only what is lawful. But do not make yourself unpleasant to those who partake, or lecture them – and do not keep announcing that you yourself abstain.

If someone reports to you that a certain person is saying bad things about you, do not defend yourself against what was said. Answer instead: “Clearly he didn’t know my other faults, or he wouldn’t have mentioned only these.”

There is no need to attend the shows very often. But if the occasion arises, do not visibly root for anyone but yourself – that is, wish only for what happens to happen, and only for the winner to win; then you will not be blocked. Refrain completely from shouting, from laughing at anyone, from getting worked up. And after you leave, do not talk much about what happened, beyond what contributes to your own improvement – for talk like that reveals that the spectacle dazzled you.

Do not go casually or lightly to people’s public readings. When you do go, guard your dignity and your steadiness – without being disagreeable.

When you are about to meet someone – especially one of the people regarded as important – put the question to yourself: what would Socrates or Zeno have done in this situation? Then you will not be at a loss for the right way to handle whatever comes.

When you call on a powerful man, put before your mind that you will not find him at home, that you will be shut out, that the doors will be slammed in your face, that he will pay no attention to you. And if, despite all that, it is your duty to go – go, and bear what happens, and never say to yourself, “It wasn’t worth all that.” That is the layman’s line, the mark of someone worked up over externals.

In conversation, stay away from constantly and excessively recounting your own deeds and dangers. However pleasant it is for you to recall your adventures, it is not so pleasant for others to hear about what happened to you.

Stay away, too, from stirring up laughter. It is a manner that slides easily into the layman’s ways, and at the same time it can loosen your neighbors’ respect for you.

It is also risky to drift into foul language. So when anything of the kind comes up, rebuke the person who started it, if the moment is right. If not, then at least by falling silent, blushing, and frowning, make it plain that the talk displeases you.